Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. OWM

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. OWM

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. OWM

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. OWM

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. OWM

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. OWM

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. OWM

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. OWM

Today, I realised just how lazy I am, when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. OWM

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. OWM

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. OWM

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. OWM

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." OWM

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. OWM

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." OWM

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. OWM