Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. OWM

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. OWM

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. OWM

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. OWM

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. OWM

Today, I realised just how lazy I am, when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. OWM

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. OWM

Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. OWM

Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. OWM

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. OWM

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. OWM

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. owm

Today, for the third time in as many months, I woke up early and got dressed up for our department’s networking breakfast, where I stood in the back with no seat and no food, while employees from other departments and less senior staff ate breakfast. My boss later asked me if the food was good. OWM

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. OWM

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. OWM

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. OWM