Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. OWM

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. OWM

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. OWM

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. OWM

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. OWM

Last night my roommate came home drunk. He came into my room, stripped off all his clothes and got into my bed. I didn’t know until I woke with his arms around me and his morning wood was trying poke deep in my ass. Thankfully I was wearing boxers. He later said he didn’t want to do that drunk.OWM

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. OWM

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. OWM

Today, my girlfriend told me I didn't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. OWM

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. OWM

Today, I was in a gaming tournament for $10K (and winning, it was against like 1000 people and I got into the top 5), and then my family thought it was a good idea to turn off the internet because I was playing too long. OWM

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. OWM

Today, I was nearly T-Boned at a stop sign by my ex-roommate. I moved 10 miles away to get away from her after her midlife crisis, and her losing the house, and now avoid her end of town. She now works outside my apartment. OWM

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. OWM

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. OWM

Today, I received my 12th rejection letter for voluntary work, as I don't have enough experience to be paid. I can't even work for free. OWM